Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Lord, Increase My Faith

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Phil. 4:6



Oh Lord, increase my faith.

I have a giant list of things to get done before I go to India, things I have been putting off because of the other more immediate things I have had to concentrate on this semester. But now that I am officially done with my last exam tomorrow, I am remembering this list, and feel a little like I'm drowning.

I am waiting for my visa to come through.
I have yet to get travel insurance.
I still need to get shots and vaccinated.
I need a plane ticket to Georgia (where our team is flying out from).
I need to buy things on my packing list and pack.
And I still have to somehow raise about $2400.

I had a little mental breakdown. I feel scared, legitimately scared that I won't get it together in time. At the end of this week I will be going with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship on a week-long retreat focusing on ministry next semester. After that I have essentially two weeks to do everything on that list and more. I'm freaking out inside. I don't know if it is possible! I start to wonder... doubts are creeping in. What if God doesn't want me there after all? What if He is just going to teach me a very hard lesson about not being efficient enough in getting these things done earlier?

I had to go running. As I heaved clean spring air in and out of my lungs, my mind cleared a little. The sky was a dark blue, but it looked soft. And there were these big billowing clouds that looked like mountains on the horizon.
I felt like crying. What if? What if this is all for naught?
And then I heard it. Underneath the panic and disquietude of my soul, a blessed assurance.
I'll get you there baby.
Hold on to me, child.  




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